


It's Alright

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: "Platonic" Kissing, Bisexual Liam, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Masturbation, Pansexual Harry, Scrabble, Sexuality Crisis, edibles, its not super angsty tho its ok, only kind of tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 03:09:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8429179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Harry likes to kiss Liam when they're both drunk. Liam figures some things out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ok so im not super hype about this fic but i figured i put it here in case someone liked it

 

 

Probably because he’d been well on his way to smashed. Probably because he’s seen Harry kiss all the boys at one time or another, always while they were drunk, always something cheeky and quick, with just the slightest bit of lingering intent behind it, like _I would, if you wanted_ , but none of them have ever taken him up on it. Or, Liam thinks they haven’t. 

 

They’re all straight, apart from Harry, as far as Liam knows. Everyone has had the occasional gay though, but. It really doesn’t mean much, when you don’t much feel like acting on it. 

 

Liam just likes kissing, is all.

 

Harry is just the one who makes himself available most often.

 

Liam  _really likes_  kissing. 

 

They’re at the back of the VIP booth at some club in Dublin. Liam had ordered the oddest sounding drink on the menu, and had woven his way back through the crowd to where the boys had been sitting. He’d only found Harry there, and they’d both taken alternate sips of it, pulling faces and giggling at the taste, foreheads knocking together. 

 

It’s always Harry who moves first. 

 

Liam had pulled back from the kiss at the first tentative nudge of their mouths, because the pungent taste of the drink still laced Harry’s bottom lip, but Harry had tapped Liam’s wrinkled nose with his thumb, fastened his hand around the back of Liam’s neck, and kissed him again, with a little more intent behind it. It’s nice, this. Just passed buzzed, warm and drunk with someone to kiss for a bit between dances. 

 

Liam is a bit sweaty from grinding up against some girl with a gorgeous body and a sweet smile. He thinks she might have smeared glitter on his collarbones when she’d gone to kiss his neck, but he’s not sure. He’s still half hard from that, though. Kept that way with the easy slide of Harry’s tongue against his, Harry’s hand warm on his thigh. It feels intimate. Something Liam has been missing since the end of his last relationship. Liam is of the opinion that a good kiss is on par with average sex, so really this _thing_ he has with Harry, it’s a lot more convenient than picking up a one night stand. Just as fun, even, with very little of that awkward awfulness involved the morning after. 

 

“You’re a lovely kisser,” murmurs Harry against Liam’s jaw. Liam smiles a bit blurrily at the wall, hand on Harry’s back, between his shoulderblades. 

 

“So are you,” he says quietly, grinning like it’s a secret. Christ, he loves this. This blatant flirting without the worry or expectation of it going anywhere. Harry is warm, familiar. Easy.

 

Liam waits for Harry to kiss him again, and smiles into it, his tongue teasing Harry’s. He thinks he hears the softest moan against his mouth, but it’s lost in the electronic thump of the beat dropping. The suggestion of it whirls in his mind, and he tightens his fingers against Harry’s shoulder blade ever so slightly, kissing him a little deeper. He wants to hear what Harry sounds like when he’s turned on. It feels like something he should know, after all this time, but he doesn't. He’s surprised by how much he wants to. 

 

They’re interrupted by Niall, bearing a platter of shots. Liam pulls back immediately, but leaves his hand on Harry’s back. Harry’s skin is so warm through the thin fabric of his shirt. Liam blushes against his will when he meets Niall’s eyes, but Niall doesn’t look at them any differently than he usually does, just sets down the shots and settles next to Liam, downing one almost immediately. It’s hard to quiet down that long-familiar _oh-god-what-is-he-thinking-about-me_ that comes with getting caught doing something a bit odd. It always pushes Liam too far back into his childhood, that off-kilter feeling that makes him want to hide. It’s alright, though, when Harry presses a giggling kiss to his cheek, and they both down a shot, wincing at the taste. It’s good, that he doesn’t have to worry with his boys.

 

\------

 

Just because it happens when he’s drunk, doesn’t mean he won’t still think about it sober.

 

He discovers this by accident in Barcelona. 

 

They’re filming for This Is Us, which is fun, and exciting, but makes the tour even more tiring at times. They’ve got an early morning ahead of them, but Liam is sitting in his hotel room in his pants, scrolling through a porn site. It’s an odd one, that he’d heard a mate talking about when they were lazing around, a bit stoned. It’s just people’s faces as they get off. Couples kissing, gasping into each others mouths. Videos of people getting themselves off, brow wrinkling, cheeks flushing. It’s- it’s not exactly what he’d expected, when he’d heard about it. He really was just checking it out for a bit of a laugh, but ends up cracking out one of his credit cards to buy a subscription after a couple of minutes of browsing. 

 

The first video he clicks on is of a couple. They’re smiling at each other in the thumbnail of the video, and he settles back properly in the pillows to watch, turning on the bedside lamp. They start out kissing slowly, the girl’s hair fanning out over the pillow, the long line of her neck pinked slightly by the stubble of her lover’s scruff. She’s gorgeous, and Liam thumbs over his nipples as he watches, spreads his thighs a little as he chubs up in his pants. 

 

The first proper moan comes when the boy slides his hand down her chest, and off screen. Liam guesses he must have his fingers pressed to her clit, or sliding inside her. The boy shifts slightly, maybe pressing his fingers deeper, and the girl gasps, doing that gorgeous thing that girls do when they’re turned on - tilting her head back into the pillows with a blissful smile, eyes sliding shut. She giggles when he kisses under her jaw, fingers curling in the boy’s long hair as her whole body shifts, hips twisting down against the boy’s hand. 

 

Liam gets a hand around on his cock through the thin fabric of his pants when the couple move again, the girl shifting onto her side, the boy pressing his chest to her back. They get comfortable with each other, and then they start to move together, the girl letting out soft moans, eyes shut, still smiling. It’s Liam’s favorite thing, getting a girl to smile like that in bed with him, and it turns him on beyond belief. There’s a wet spot on his pants over the head of his cock, and he’s squirming slightly in the sheets as he circles his fingers over the sensitive part of the thick head, moaning in time with the girl when the boy rocks particularly deep. She arches her back, tits small and pretty, mouth dropped open in a gasp. The boy kisses her neck, long hair falling over his face until he pushes it back. He’s pretty, too. Delicate features like the girls’, a little more lithe than muscular.  

 

Liam lifts his hips, balancing his laptop on his stomach as he pushes his pants down, kicking them off his ankles. His cock rests hard against his thigh, and he curls his fingers around it, working the foreskin down with a moan. 

 

In the video now, the couple are holding hands, and the girl is letting out soft whimpers, brow furrowing with pleasure. They make a lovely picture together. The boy is getting louder now, though, letting out slightly deeper, gasping moans like he can’t help it. The way the camera is positioned, he can see the boy’s lips catch on the girl’s skin when he makes a soft noise. Liam watches as the boy drags kisses over the girls’ pinking skin, letting out a pretty moan that goes straight to Liam’s cock. 

 

“Fuck,” says Liam quietly, unsure how to respond to that, his cock thickening against his palm. 

 

He’s always liked responsive partners, he supposes. The couple in the video are lovely together. It’s just- it’s the whole picture. The way it’s clear that they’re in love with the soft touches over each other’s bodies, the kisses pressed to skin between hitched moans. They come before Liam does, the boy whimpering his release against the girl’s neck, clinging to her hand tightly. She turns to kiss him as she comes, gasping into his mouth. 

 

Liam swallows a bit nervously, but his cock twitches in his hand as the boy turns and stretches, the muscles of his back working under his skin as he reaches for something on the nightstand before the video turns off. 

 

“Um,” says Liam aloud, and licks his lips, scrolling down to look at the couple’s other videos. He clicks on one where the thumbnail is just a picture of the boy with blushing cheeks, head tilted back into the pillows. Part of him is curious at his reaction to the first video, another part of him definitely expecting the girl to be featured in this one, too. 

 

She’s not. 

 

It’s just - this boy is so lovely. His hair is tied back into a bun this time, flyaways curling around his face. He clings to the sheets with both hands, so it’s clear that the girl is down at his hips, sucking him off, teasing him, if the way the boy squirms in the sheets is any indication. Liam tentatively moves his hand over his cock, tummy flipping. 

 

By the end of the video, Liam is whimpering in the way he does when he’s too turned on to hold the more embarrassing sounds back, teeth sinking into his bottom lip, a long groan pulled out of him when the boy groans and comes, chest heaving, shaking in the sheets. 

 

“Oh _fuck_ ,” says Liam, still more surprised than anything, and comes, hot and wet, over his hand and his stomach. 

 

He wipes his come on his thigh, wrinkling his nose, and nudges his laptop off onto the sheets. He blinks at the ceiling for a moment, still panting.

 

*

 

He thinks about it in the shower, too, pressing his forehead to the tiles like that will quiet down his thoughts. 

 

It’s fine, he decides, eventually. He just likes when people are vocal. 

 

He’s just nodding to himself, dripping on the hotel carpet as he dries his hair, when his phone pings with a notification. Liam is still a bit warm and relaxed from his orgasm and the hot shower, but it’s too much when Harry’s name appears on the screen with the text notification. It’s just a row of emojis, but Liam’s stomach twists hotly in the same way it had just before he’d come to the sound of that boy’s desperate moans. 

 

Liam makes himself pick up his phone anyway. The text is nonsense, but the feeling he’d got just from seeing Harry’s name is too jarring to think about.

 

He puts his phone down. Thinks briefly Harry’s mouth on his, and then Harry’s mouth on his neck, his chest. 

 

“Christ,” says Liam, a bit unsteadily. The blank air of the hotel room does not offer any comfort. 

 

\------

 

It doesn’t change much. 

 

Liam isn’t exactly _worried_ about it. It’s just something he needs to think about. That it might be a _thing_. 

 

He also doesn’t get drunk with the boys for a bit, instead staying up late writing with Julian until two or three in the morning, or having an early night in once the adrenaline from the show has worn off. 

 

He looks at more of the videos, too. The ones with the couple that he’d watched had been posted quite recently, but when he looks back through the boy’s videos, there’s more from about a year ago of him with another man. Liam watches them all. Then moves on to others. He’s not sure if he can deal with cocks yet, thinks it might be all too much watching two men fucking, or sucking each other off, but just watching them together like that, just their faces as they come, the way they move together, the way they take care of each other. 

 

He might like that. 

 

\------

 

It’s about a month later that he finally accepts an offer for drinks with Niall and Harry. They go to a house party in Belgium at a place with a wide view of the North Sea. 

 

It’s hosted by a mutual friend of Harry’s but Liam doesn’t ever get to meet the owner of the house because they get tipsy a bit too quickly and he spends about an hour playing guitar hero in the sitting room with Niall, getting buzzed off a group of strangers’ cheering, and well-mixed drinks.

 

He leaves Niall to the crowd, and wanders into the kitchen for a bit of quiet, and to get a glass of water. Once he’s got that sorted, he wanders through the rest of the house. Not being nosy, just soaking in the atmosphere. He finds Harry on a couch on the second floor, giggling helplessly against the cushions, a group of other people looking stoned and lounging in various positions all over the floor and the chairs. 

 

“Liam!” says Harry, smiling and reaching for him. Liam settles on the couch, and Harry tugs at his earlobe, grinning. 

 

“Hello, you,” says Liam, “what’s got you so happy, then?”

 

Liam knows it’s edibles, he’s never seen Harry get high off anything else, on account of his lungs. 

 

“Brownies,” says Harry, putting his head on Liam’s shoulder. A girl on the floor gives a halfhearted woop. Harry’s hand rests, warm, on Liam’s chest. “Where’ve you been?”

 

“Playing guitar hero downstairs with Nialler,” says Liam. Harry noses at Liam’s neck, and Liam shivers. He takes a long sip of his water. He feels hot all over, even though he knows Harry won’t kiss him here, not in front of all these people, these strangers. 

 

He stays for a bit, until Harry is distracted talking to someone else, his head still on Liam’s shoulder. It feels intimate in the way their kisses do, with Harry warm and sleepy and giggly against him. He’s so bloody touchy when he’s high. Liam disentangles himself, patting Harry’s head placatingly when Harry makes a wounded noise. 

 

“Just going for a bit of fresh air,” says Liam. 

 

He lets out a long breath once he’s out of the room, and heads for the sliding doors that lead out onto the balcony. It’s cold outside, and it clears Liam’s head.

 

He leans on the railing, watching the sky for a moment, the stars sparkling high above the sea, the curl of the land a dark shape against the horizon. 

 

“Hello,” says a voice behind him.

 

Liam turns around in surprise. There’s someone sitting in the shadowy part of the balcony, back against the wall. They stand up slowly until Liam can see their face in the light spilling out from inside. 

 

“Fag?” says the man. 

 

“What?” says Liam, hand tightening on the rail, until he sees the pack of cigarettes he’s being offered. “Oh,” he laughs slightly at his own panic, “no thanks, mate.” Liam pulls out his own pack, taking a cig. “Got me own. Can’t smoke unfiltered, m’afraid. Coughed up a lung trying it.” He tilts his cig at the man. “Stronger man than me.”

 

Dark eyes and dark stubble. Handsome in a quiet way. “I’m Nicholas,” he says, the lilt in his voice accented. He looks about Liam’s age, maybe. It’s difficult to tell in the half light. 

 

“Liam,” says Liam, leaning in for a handshake with a smile, while he fishes with his other hand for a lighter. 

 

Nicholas laughs. “Are you famous, Liam? A lot of people at this party are.”

 

“A bit, yeah,” says Liam, smiling around his cig. He flicks his lighter with his thumb, but doesn’t get it the first time, the wind blowing the flame out. 

 

“Let me?” says Nicholas, quiet gaze focused on Liam’s cigarette. Their fingers brush when Nicholas takes his lighter, and Liam cups his hand around the flame when Nicholas lights the end of his cig. Nicholas’ eyes flick up watch Liam’s face, and Liam realises, momentarily, that he’s being flirted with. 

 

It’s not that he hasn’t had other men hit on him before. It’s just that this whole thing is very new, and Nicholas is quite attractive. Liam’s gaze flickers over Nicholas’ body, his dark eyes, his mouth when he he lets grey-blue smoke escape in a smooth cloud. 

 

_Yeah, alright_ , Liam thinks. 

 

“Thanks,” says Liam, not unaffected, his voice a little thick from the smoke and the atmosphere. 

 

Nicholas’ gaze dips, like he’s shy, and Liam smiles, leaning a little closer. Nicholas’ elbow rests on the railing, and Liam rests his arm there, too, hand dangling next to Nicholas’ so that they almost touch. Nicholas smiles. 

 

They talk for a while, until Liam starts to feel too cold, only the tips of his fingers warm from the end of his cig. 

 

Nicholas notices, and puts an arm around Liam’s shoulder, until he’s fits against Liam’s body. Nicholas is slightly taller, and it’s odd, to fit against someone’s side like that when they’re looking at you with a promise in their eyes. Nicholas’ fingers fit under Liam’s chin, and Liam leans in for the kiss, mitting in the middle. It’s slow and sweet, and Liam can feel Nicholas smile against his mouth. When they pull back, Liam lets out a little sigh. “Alright?” says Nicholas.

 

“Yeah,” says Liam, “warmed me right up, thanks.” 

 

Nicholas laughs. He’s quite charming, Liam thinks. He also seems to think that Liam is funnier than he really is, which is nice. He’s not what Liam is looking for, although, Liam isn’t quite sure what that is yet. Liam leans forward again instead of thinking about it too much, catching Nicholas’ pretty mouth in another kiss, their noses nudging together. This one goes on for a little longer than the first, Liam’s hand resting carefully on Nicholas’ elbow, fingers loose around the slow embers of his second cigarette. 

 

The noises of the party get a bit louder as someone steps onto the balcony. Liam pulls back, their mouths parting with a sweet slick sound, and blinks to see Niall standing there in the doorway, light flooding out around him, face set in an easy kind of surprise. 

 

“Hey, mate,” says Niall, after a moment. “Me n’Haz were thinking of going.”

 

Again, there’s that wild edge of nerves at being out of place. Liam feels it twist in his stomach, but Nicholas squeezes his shoulder, bringing Liam’s attention back to him. “Very nice meeting you,” he says, with that quiet smile. 

 

“You, too,” says Liam, stubbing his cig out on the railing, letting it drop over the side without thinking, too caught up in Nicholas’ smile, and Niall still waiting there in the doorway, watching. Liam takes a breath, and then kisses Nicholas again in a quick goodbye, cheeks burning. 

 

“I can have your number, maybe?” says Nicholas, accent all caught up in his smile.

 

“I-” Liam looks back to Niall, who is studying his drink, giving them privacy. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” says Liam, genuinely, “thank you, though.”

 

Nicholas laughs good-naturedly. “Too famous?” he says.

 

“No,” says Liam, quick to reassure, and then pauses. “Well, yes, a bit. That makes me sound like a twat, I’m sorry-” Christ, he’s too drunk for this. Someone should shut him up. He thinks his hands might be shaking, just a bit. 

 

“It’s alright,” says Nicholas. “Christina has my number, if you change your mind. You can text her for it, maybe.”

 

“Yeah,” says Liam, feeling like a dick for knowing that he won’t. Doesn’t even know who Christina is - probably the host of the party. 

 

“Okay,” says Nicholas, with a smile. 

 

Liam almost trips over his own feet leaving, but Niall’s arm loops around his waist and anchors him. Liam looks over his shoulder to see Nicholas still watching him, pulling out another cigarette. 

 

*

Niall doesn’t speak until they’re downstairs, outside on the curb waiting for their car. 

 

“So,” he says, “what was that all about, then?”

 

“I dunno,” says Liam, even though he does. “I’ve just been… thinking about it, I s’pose.”

 

Niall nods, considering. His arm is steady around Liam’s waist. 

 

“Where’s Harry?” says Liam.

 

Niall checks his phone. “Be out in a minute,” he says, and then tucks it away, before pulling Liam into a hug. He smells like alcohol and aftershave, and Liam gathers him close. “Love you, man,” mumbles Niall.

 

“Love you, bro,” Liam replies, feeling suspiciously like he might be about to cry. He swallows the lump in his throat. 

 

“Can talk to me whenever you want,” offers Niall. 

 

“I know,” says Liam, as they pull back. “Thanks, man.”

 

*

 

Harry joins them a couple minutes later, just in time for the car to arrive. His hair is mussed in a way that could be from someone else’s hands, or his own. He’s still a bit high when he drapes himself over Niall’s back. 

 

Harry chatters most of the ride back, and then falls asleep on Niall’s shoulder once he’s tired himself out. Liam watches quietly as Niall dozes against the seat. Feels maybe a bit lonely.  Considers how pretty Harry looks even with his mouth hanging open in sleep. Thinks about how Nicholas wasn’t quite what, or who he needed. Considers that maybe someone else is. 

 

They pull up at the hotel. Liam helps Harry out of the car, tucks him against his side, and drops him off at his hotel room. Harry mumbles a vague goodnight, and falls face first onto the bed. Liam hesitates in the doorway, but Harry seems to be alright, pulling his own boots off, and starting on the buttons of his shirt, eyes closed. Liam mumbles a goodnight, and closes the door. 

 

\------

 

Two weeks later, Liam he can’t sleep, so he calls Zayn.

 

Zayn, of course, is still wide awake. “You alright?” he says. 

 

Liam looks down at the tiny bottle of whisky he’d nabbed from the mini bar. A couple others rest on his nightstand. “Remember when we kissed?” says Liam.

 

There’s a long pause. 

 

“Um,” says Zayn. “I guess?”

 

Liam lets out a long breath. “I just-” he really doesn’t know where to go from here. He’s already fucked it up. “Sorry,” says Liam, “sorry.”

 

“Had a crack at the minibar?” says Zayn wryly. 

 

Liam pouts. “Yeah.”

 

“D’you want me to come over?” says Zayn. 

 

“Nah,” sighs Liam, “it’s alright. I’ve just been thinking about things.”

 

“S’this about Harry?” says Zayn.

 

“No,” says Liam, too quickly. “Um, why?”

 

“Niall said something.”

 

“About what?” says Liam, a bit too sharply.

 

“Nothing, really. Mentioned something. Thought I already knew about it. Don’t be angry, man.”

 

“M’not,” says Liam. He flops back properly, splaying over the sheets, head in the pillows. “Should have told you, I guess. I’m still working it out meself.”

 

“Yeah,” says Zayn. 

 

“I didn’t know him, though,” says Liam, hand resting on his chest as he talks. He takes a slow breath. “Just wanted to try it out.”

 

“Wait,” says Zayn, “who?”

 

Liam sits up a little. “Some bloke at the house party that me, Haz, and, Nialler went to in Belgium. Nicholas.”

 

There’s another pause. “Oh,” says Zayn, finally. Liam’s getting the idea that there may have been some miscommunication. “I thought you meant- something else.”

 

“What?” prompts Liam. 

 

“Nothing, don’t worry about it, man.”

 

“What?” Liam says again, nerves sitting low in his chest. 

 

“Dunno, thought you might fancy Harry, a bit.” Zayn says carefully. 

 

Liam looks at the ceiling. “Oh,” he says.

 

“Do you?” says Zayn. 

 

“I’m not sure,” says Liam slowly. He thinks about it for a moment. “I think so?”

 

Zayn hums, considering. “You like kissing him,” he says. 

 

“So do you,” counters Liam.

 

“No, babe,” says Zayn. It sounds like it’s meant to be comforting. “Harry hasn’t kissed me in ages. Months, like. He just kisses you.”

 

“Oh,” says Liam. He thinks that means something. He’s not sure. He hates feeling so bloody uncertain about everything.

 

“I think you should talk to Harry about this,” says Zayn. 

 

Liam feels a bit ill with nerves. “Okay,” he says. 

 

“It’ll be alright, babes,” says Zayn. Liam suddenly wishes he was here. He could go for a good cuddle right now. 

 

“Yeah,” says Liam, instead of asking. 

 

“You good?” says Zayn.

 

“Yeah.” Liam turns his face into the pillows, runs a hand through his hair. 

 

“Alright, babes, night.”

 

“Night.”

 

Liam hangs up, and sighs. 

 

\------

 

Louis turns up at Liam’s door at 7am, a few days later, before Liam’s even had a proper cup of tea. 

 

“Mark says we should work on our cardio,” he says, looking mutinous, hair everywhere. He’s wearing one of Liam’s tops, and his trackies slump around his hips. 

 

Liam yawns, blinking blearily. “Okay,” he says, trying to get his thoughts in order. “I just need t’get dressed.” 

 

Louis pushes his way in, hand on Liam’s hip in passing as a quiet greeting, and goes to fill the hotel room kettle in the bathroom sink. Meanwhile, Liam pulls his ratty exercise clothes out of his suitcase, a few other shirts spilling out along with them, and gets dressed with heavy limbs, eyes slipping shut occasionally. 

 

Once he’s dressed, Louis passes him a mug of steaming tea, and begrudgingly dumps a few packets of sugar in Liam’s lap as well. Liam hums his thanks and empties them one by one into the mug. He doesn’t bother to stir them in, because the complimentary stirring sticks are too far away. 

 

“So,” says Louis, voice a little less early-morning rough once he’s had a few scalding sips of tea. “What’s new?”

 

Liam takes a long sip. “I think I’m gay,” he says.

 

Louis coughs, putting his tea down while tries to clear his throat. Liam puts his tea down, but Louis waves off his concern, coughing until he’s got it under control. “Sorry,” he says, “say that again?”

 

“I think I’m gay,” says Liam, again.

 

“Right,” says Louis, a little out of breath, “thought you said that. What about your girlfriends?”

 

“Or bisexual, actually,” amends Liam, picking up his tea again for something to do with his hands. He takes another sip. “I like, well-”

 

“Both?” supplies Louis. 

 

Liam shrugs. 

 

Louis nods to himself. “Alright, bit heavy for this hour, but, since you’ve gone and brought it up,” he says, “anyone in particular?”

 

Liam smirks, “not you.”

 

“Fuck off.” Louis pulls a face, and Liam laughs, feeling better for it. 

 

There’s a pause. 

 

“Harry, maybe,” says Liam, finally.

 

“Christ, Liam.” Liam takes another slow sip. “Not Channing Tatum?”

 

Liam laughs. “No, he’s bisexaul, as well, though. Out n’everything.”

 

“Huh,” says Louis, “fancy that.”

 

“Yeah,” says Liam. “He’s quite famous, too.”

 

Louis nods. “Dunno if you could get away with it quite like that, though,” says Louis. It’s a fair point, but Liam still feels a bit sad about it. “Aw, don’t look like that, babe,” says Louis, “come on.” He puts his tea down, and settles by Liam’s side, an arm around his shoulder. 

 

“I just don’t know how I didn’t _realise_ ,” says Liam. He clutches his mug without really thinking about it, the warmth of it sinking into his palms. “I’m twenty bloody years old.”

 

“These things take time,” says Louis, which makes no sense, really, and they both know it, but Liam lets it go. 

 

They sit there for a while, while Liam sips his tea, with Louis’ arm a comforting weight over his shoulders. 

 

“So,” Louis says, once Liam’s done. “What are you going to do about Harry?”

 

Liam sighs, putting down his mug. “Zayn said I should talk to him about it.”

 

“That’s an option,” says Louis.

 

“Do you think I should?”

 

“Dunno,” says Louis. “It might be good for you. He’ll certainly be more helpful than I am.”

 

Liam curls an arm around Louis’ waist, pulling him in for a hug, pressing his face into Louis’ thin shirt. “C’mon, Lou,” says Liam softly, “you’ve been great.”

 

Louis’ hand rests for a moment at the back of Liam’s head, fingertips curling lightly in the strands, before he slides it down to Liam’s shoulder as they pull back. “Thanks, love,” says Louis, sounding warm in the best way. Liam loves him a lot. 

 

“I meant,” says Louis, after the softness of the moment has passed a bit, “that Harry is also into both. All, really.”

 

“Pansexual,” Liam says, the word still sitting a little oddly on his tongue. 

 

“That’s the one,” says Louis. “Harry’s pansexual. You’re bisexual. Don’t quite know the difference, but you both fancy the pants off each other.” 

 

Liam snorts.

 

“I’m serious!” says Louis, smiling. “Hadn’t thought about it before now, but I can see it. He definitely thinks you’re fit.”

 

“Stop,” says Liam, shaking his head with a fond smile, “stop, it.” 

 

“What?”

 

“You’re sounding like a bloody teenager,” says Liam, “it’s not-” he sighs, “it’s not as easy as all that.”

 

“Harry’s pretty easy,” says Louis, sagely. 

 

Liam makes an unimpressed face, and Louis laughs. 

 

“You’ll be alright. Zayn’s right, as usual. You should talk to him.” Louis stands up, and claps Liam on the shoulder. “Now,” he says, “cardio.”

 

A workout will get his thoughts properly in order. Liam nods, and follows Louis out the door, determined not to think about it until after he’s had a good session.

 

\------

 

A few cities later, and they’re taking a plane to Germany. Sometimes Harry likes to take a separate one, just to unwind for a bit. It can get a bit hectic, with all of them at once. But he invites Liam along this time, and they heave their suitcases to the plane together. It’s nice to be like this again, to know where he stands on his own sexuality. It’s not the ideal situation, obviously. It occurs to Liam that Harry is the only one not to know. Liam had even phoned his parents a few nights ago to come out, which had had been good, if a bit teary. 

 

They settle into their seats, though, a scrabble game set out on the table between them. Harry is much better at it than Liam, but Liam’s been expanding his vocabulary, what with all this songwriting, and he’s holding his own for the first time in a while. He’s never known scrabble to be fun with anyone but Harry. Harry plays it to unwind, though. Reminds him of his family. 

 

It’s nice, Liam thinks, to be included in that. 

 

About twenty minutes into the game, Liam spells out ‘bright’, with a double letter under the ‘b’, which doesn’t help much. Then, Harry spells out ‘vaginal’, with the ‘v’ over a triple letter space, looking very smug. 

 

“Oh, come on,” says Liam, as Harry fishes out six letters from the bag with a grin. 

 

“Can’t help it,” says Harry, “I’m a born winner.”

 

“I’m taking you down, Styles,” says Liam. 

 

A couple rows down, he can hear Paddy sigh. 

 

“Paddy,” calls out Liam over his shoulder, “tell him.”

 

“Don’t know why anyone plays scrabble, if I’m honest,” says Paddy.

 

“Hey,” says Harry, frowning. 

 

“Yeah,” says Liam looking over the top of the seat to fix Paddy with a harsh look, “don’t talk about scrabble like that.”

 

Paddy rolls his eyes, and goes back to his book with a fond smile that still manages to look a little exasperated. 

 

“I’m winning by quite a bit,” Harry points out, gesturing to the scores they’ve scratched out on a napkin with a faltering ballpoint pen. 

 

Liam narrows his eyes playfully, and looks back to his letters, shielding them carefully with his hand. He gets a bit lost as he’s concentrating. Harry’s hand goes to bat the protective one that Liam has up, away, but Liam’s doesn’t resist. He’s forgotten the faux-competitive game they were playing, and Harry just ends up holding his hand a bit, looking confused. Liam laughs, and Harry threads their fingers together, letting it drop to the table. 

 

Harry’s got an odd expression on his face, and Liam’s laughter quiets a little bit. Harry doesn't let go of his hand. For some reason, Liam decides that now is the time to come clean.

 

He looks Harry in the eyes, and says: “I’m bisexual.”

 

It’s probably good that he’s practiced a bit on the other boys. For one thing, he’s said the right word this time. For another, Harry’s expression is all over the place, and Liam’s not exactly sure where they stand now. Harry goes to draw his hand away, but Liam holds it tighter - suddenly terribly, wildly, nervous. 

 

“Um, well,” elaborates Liam. 

 

“You’re sure?” says Harry, expression smoothing out to that kind, slightly blank look he’s taken to adopting for interviews, and the like. It hurts more than anger, or fear would have. Not that he’d expected any of that from Harry in the first place. 

 

“Well,” says Liam, “yes. I wouldn’t have told you if I wasn’t.”

 

Harry smiles. It’s lovely, but it’s not quite right around the eyes. “Thank you for telling me,” says Harry. That sounds genuine, at least. Christ, Liam likes him so much. 

 

“I should also tell you,” starts Liam, and then falters, breaking eye contact and blinking down at the board. He takes a breath, and then tries again, meeting Harry’s eyes properly this time. “I should also tell you, that I fancy you. You don’t have to say anything. It’s just that the boys know, and it would be weird for you to be the only one not to know. Considering, well- it’s you.”

 

Harry looks a little overwhelmed. “Right,” he says. 

 

“Okay,” says Liam. He lets Harry’s hand go. This is not going as well as he’d thought it might. It’s going terribly, in fact. His face feels hot. He’s gone about this all wrong. 

 

“No,” says Harry, “no, sorry,” he grabs Liam’s hands, almost upsets the scrabble board to do it. “I didn’t mean for that to-” he gathers Liam’s hands together and presses them to his mouth in a quick kiss. It seems apologetic, which is nice. He continues holding Liam’s hands, which is also nice. “You know it takes me a second to, like, process, and that.”

 

Liam nods. 

 

“I really like you,” says Harry, looking at Liam earnestly. “I think you’re really fucking fit. I’ve been wanting you for ages.” Liam is a bit stunned, but Harry continues. “I’m sorry I acted such a bellend. You’ve just surprised me.”

 

“Were a bit shit,” concedes Liam, reluctant smile working its way onto his mouth. 

 

“We can go on a date,” says Harry. 

 

“Oh that’s nice,” says Liam, “very kind of you.” 

 

“Sorry,” Harry laughs, “sorry.” He really is gorgeous; a bit ridiculous, but so, so lovely. 

 

It’s new. So new that it’s a bit terrifying, but, Liam supposes, all new relationships are.

 

“You’re alright,” says Liam. Harry reaches up to thumb at the corner of Liam’s eyes, where they’re crinkling, his smile gone all soft. 

 

“God, you are just-” Harry starts, but instead of finishing, he puts his hand on the table and leans over to kiss Liam’ their mouths meeting easily. It feels good. Sweet, the light orange and bright behind Liam’s eyelids when he closes them to let Harry kiss his mouth open, to sink his teeth into Harry’s pink bottom lip. 

 

When Harry pulls back, he’s his cheeks are flushed pink, which is just about the prettiest thing Liam has ever seen. 

 

“Harry Styles,” says Liam, pleased, “are you blushing?”

 

“I might be,” says Harry. 

 

This time Liam leans in for a kiss. He accidentally knocks the bag of scrabble pieces over, and unused tiles scatter onto the floor. Harry laughs into Liam’s mouth, and pulls him in closer. 

 

“Never mind those,” says Harry, cutting of Liam’s impulse to clean them up, “just kiss me, yeah?”

 

Liam forgets all about scrabble once Harry licks into his mouth. 

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is @weighted-orange
> 
> title from Alive by 1d bc its 1am and u know what that song sounds rlly gay when i sing it


End file.
